It Just Doesn't Feel Right
by katiejean01
Summary: Jane and Maura have been friends for years but just starting dating a month ago. Jane has a secret that Maura doesn't know. She used to be known as James Charles Rizzoli.
1. Chapter 1

It Just Doesn't Feel Right CH. 1

Maura and I have been friends for at least 5 years and best friends for at least 3 of those years. We've been dating for one month. One month today. We know everything about each other. Well almost everything. I have a big secret. One only my family knows. You see my family knew me as James Charles Rizzoli until I was 18 years old. Before entering the Academy I decided to start the process of changing my gender to female. From that point on I asked to be called Jane. My mother had a hard time accepting this change in her first born so I let her choose my middle name. I'm still not sure if I regret that or not. The gender-changing process takes years to do. I went to all the therapy I was required to do and began taking hormones several years before Dr. Maura Isles began working at Boston PD. Just as I was able to complete the change with surgery, the beautiful woman walked into my life and turned it upside down. Since then I've continued taking the hormones but never had surgery to transform my penis into a vagina. Something inside me kept me from taking the last step.

So here I am, sitting on the couch making out with my unknowing girlfriend trying my best to hide my boner. "Happy one month anniversary Jane." Maura says to me.

"You too, babe." I smile before leaning in to resume our makeout session. Maura moves to straddle my waist but I quickly stop her. "Maur. Not-not yet."

I watch as her eyes tear up. "Why not? We've known each other for so long. I didn't think it would take this long for you to be comfortable with me." She sniffles. "Unless. Unless you just don't want to have sex with me." Tears fall from her eyes.

"No Maura, baby. That's not it at all. I want you so badly. It hurts how bad I want you." Maura gives me a look of confusion at this information.

"Then why are you hesitating?" She asks me. I guess I should tell her. We've taken our relationship as slow as I can hope. 5 years I slow enough.

I take a deep breath. "I um I have something to tell you. I have to tell you before we have sex. Because I'm not sure you'll want to have sex with me when I tell you this." I tell her seriously.

"Oh jane, there's nothing you could say to me that would make me not want you." She confesses to me.

"We'll see." I take another deep breath preparing myself for what could be the worst or best moment of my life. "Ok you see Maura, I have this um condition. I don't know if you would call it that. But it umm, well it makes me different than most people."

"Is it life threatening? Are you okay? We should get you to a doctor." I laugh a bit.

"No maur, I'm not sick. And I've been to plenty doctor's. just listen, okay?" Maura nods back at me. "For years I didn't feel comfortable with my body. I just didn't feel like it was my body, so I wanted a different one." My emotions sneak up on me so I take a minute to control them. I feel Maura grab my hand. I look up to see her smiling at me sweetly. "Anyway I was about to um go through a umm change with my body. I was-I was about to have surgery to alter my body to the opposite sex when you came along. And well for some reason I just couldn't do it so I just stayed how I was and never went through with it."

"Jane, sweetie. It's ok. I'll still love you if you want to be a man." This makes my head shoot up. Some genius my girlfriend is.

"No maur, you've got it wrong. I didn't get the surgery done but I kept taking the hormones." I inform her.

"But Jane, your body is so feminine. If you were taking hormones to be a man, you would be hairier and your voice would be deeper but-it's-you're. Oh my god." She covers her mouth with her hand. "You're a man."


	2. Chapter 2

It Just Doesn't Feel Right CH. 2

"Maura?" I look at her while squeezing her hand which she thankfully hasn't pulled away from me. "You haven't said anything in a while. Umm are you okay?" She shakes her head no. "Maybe I should go then." Her head shoots up. Her gaze meets mine. "I'll just see you at work then."

I move to get off the couch when I feel a small but strong hand grab my wrist and pull me back down onto the couch. "Sit." Maura growls at me. "You do not get to leave while I'm processing. Give me a couple minutes." She stands up and paces the room. Several huffs later she stops pacing and stands in front of me. "Why the hell didn't you tell me before?!" she shouts.

I flinch at her tone. "I didn't want to scare you off. You mean a lot to me Maura. Probably more than you think and I just didn't want to lose you." I move my gaze down to my hands. "I can't lose you." I whisper. She kneels in front of me and grabs my hands.

"Listen to me, you're not going to lose me. You're not the only person heavily invested in this relationship." I sigh in relief.

"So you're ok with this. With me ya know, having a penis?" I ask her.

"Sweetie, you know I don't have a problem with penis and I'm certain I won't have a problem with yours." We smile at each other. I lean in to kiss her but she puts her fingers on my lips. "That doesn't mean I'm not mad at you, Jane Rizzoli. You kept a huge secret from me for 5 years. Surely I showed I was trustworthy within that amount of time."

"Of course you're trustworthy." I reassure her. "The risk I would have been taking was too huge. I couldn't risk it, Maur. You're everything to me." I timidly pull her close to me so she is kneeling between my legs.

"Keep saying things like that and I won't be mad for long." I give her the patented Rizzoli smile. She giggles and leans in to kiss me. My tongue swims through her mouth with newfound confidence that Maura can feel. "Mmmm." Her moan makes me grow hard for her. I rub myself into the only women I've felt comfortable being my true self with. "Oh god." She pulls away and looks between us to see the tent in my jeans. "Based on the amount your pants grew I would have to say I'm impressed with your size Rizzoli." I groan and pull her against me again. "Not so fast, stud. We need to talk before we do that, okay?" I nod at her and pull her in for a kiss. After we kiss, Maura moves to sit on the couch. "So who knows this about you?"

"Just family. Nobody at work accept Cavanaugh since he's seen paperwork and stuff." I answer.

"At least I'm not the last to know." Maura says and a pang of guilt runs through me.

"I'm sorry, Maura. If I had known it wouldn't have bothered you I would've told you a long time ago." I try to apologize.

"I know." She sighs. "I'm sorry for trying to guilt trip you." I lean into her and kiss her. Her hand drifts from my chin down my neck to my chest. She pulls away.

"So you're taking the hormones, what does that mean for your body? What technical body parts do you have?" She questions me.

"Well hormones only do so much. I don't have breasts. The chest muscles are kinda weird looking. Not defined pecks but not boobs." I say quietly and self-consciously.

Maura lifts my chin so I look in her eyes. "I already love every part of your body okay?" I Smile and nod.

"Other that than I um still have a penis as you felt before. I just don't get a lot of body hair and my voice isn't as deep as it was." I finish.

"Was it deeper than your brother's voices?"

"Oh definitely. Are you kidding me? Even now I'm manlier than those two morons." We laugh together and continue our conversation…..


	3. Chapter 3

It Just Doesn't Feel Right CH. 3

"What was your name? Or is your name?" Maura huffs in frustration. She's so adorable. "What was your male name?"

"James Charles Rizzoli." I say confidently. I actually liked my name before.

"Oh ok so same initials." I nod "Did you have a nickname? Jamie? Jim? Jimmy?"

"I did. I went by Jamie. I liked my name as a man." Maura smiles at me genuinely.

"Did it bother you when you were first making the transition when people called you buy your male name?" She questions.

"Babe, your geek is showing." I poke fun at her intellectual side. "Yeah I guess it kinda did, but only when people called me James or Jamie to disrespect my wishes. I understood that some people were gonna slip up. That's to be expected." At this point we are snuggles up on the couch.

"James." Maura says plainly. "That's a sexy name." I laugh at her. She looks at me seriously. "What are you gonna do now Jane?"

"What do you mean Maur?" I ask her.

"Are you going to complete the process, stop taking the hormones and return life as a male, or stay how you are? I mean you mentioned you were about to have the surgery but meeting me halted the process so I'm just curious to know what your plan is."

"I umm I guess I hadn't thought too much about that. What do you want me to be?" I ask her.

She turns my face so our lips join. We makeout for several minutes. Our tongues wrestle playfully. My hands find her hair. Her hand finds my crouch and she rubs me lightly. When we pull apart she keeps rubbing me. "I want you to be whatever you're comfortable being. I will love you regardless." She moves her hand to my thigh, rubs it affectionately and kisses me sweetly once.

Her acceptance tugs at my heart. "I'm so lucky to have you." I pull her in for a hug. I kiss her neck before pulling apart. "Maur." I pause. "You should probably know that I've never actually had sex with anyone before."

"Really? Why not?"

"Well in high school I was so confused about everything I wasn't even close to being comfortable touching myself. And by the time I did get comfortable touching myself I had begun the transition so I was dressing as a woman so not many men wanted to be with me." Maura nods at my explanation. "But I guess most of all I just never felt comfortable enough with a single person to let my guard down enough to get that intimate." I explain.

"I hope you feel comfortable with me soon." I smile at her.

"I think I will. I mean you're the only person I let touch my hands so why shouldn't I be comfortable letting you touch other parts of me. That is if you want to touch me." I lower my head sheepishly.

"Don't go there, love. I want every part of you. No matter what gender you are. As for sex. I hope you are comfortable with me but I don't want you to force it okay? I'm not going anywhere so you have plenty time to get used to the idea." Maura comforts me. "I do think that it is essential we have sex before you decide which gender to be. I want you to be comfortable and enjoy having sex with me."

"Maura, sweets, there's no doubt in my mind that I will love have sex with you. Have you seen yourself? You are so so sexy." I tell her while pulling her closer to me.

"You know what I mean. If you don't enjoy sex as a man you will probably like it with a vagina. Either way is fine by me. My ultimate goal is your happiness." My eyes water.

"All I need to be happy is you, Maur." I gush to her.

"Well I'm not going anywhere anytime soon so hopefully you'll be happy for a while." Both of our eyes are watering. We wipe at each others faces.

"One thing I don't like about taking hormones is how emotional I get. It's much easier dealing with them as a man." I inform her.

"Well let me tell you something, if you ever decide to stop taking the hormones and you become like every other asshole man I won't hesitate to slip you minimal hormone pills so you keep your emotions and understand how it feels to be emotional. Got it?" She says in a joking manner.

"Of course, dear." I say cheekily.

"Oh, you." She says before jumping me and pulling me into a heated kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

You should all know that I am trying my best to represent all communities. Transgender or sexually confused. It is not my intention to offend anyone and I apologize if I do. The rizzles community is severely lacking in fics about this subject so I wanted to make my contribution. I hope you have all enjoyed the story thus far.

* * *

It Just Doesn't Feel Right CH. 4

I moan into Maura's mouth as she pushes us to lay down on the couch. She is straddling me all the while giving me the best kisses of my life. I feel myself harden under her. I know she feels it too because she lets out a moan. "Mmmm, you feel good." Maura whispers into my ear. She sets her clothed center on top of mine. My breathing picks up. I've never even gone this far with someone before. Maura begins to kiss my neck. I move my hands up her back and softly scratch them down her back to settle on her ass. She begins to grind down onto me.

"Oh my god, Maura." I close my eyes trying to make this last.

"Does that feel good, sweetie?" She asks me.

"T-t-too good. I'm, Maura I'm going to" I can even get the words out.

"It's ok, Jane. You can cum." She reattaches her lips to mine.

"mmmm." I push her away softly. "No no." I push her hips off of mine. "I just i."

"Are you uncomfortable? I'm sorry, I thought you were enjoying it." She moves off of me and sits next to me on the couch. I take a few minutes to catch my breath before looking over at Maura who is sitting straight looking at her hands.

"I wasn't uncomfortable." I tell her while grabbing her hands.

"You weren't?" Maura asks me hopefully.

"No." I laugh. "I was quite comfortable." I tell her with a smile.

"Then why did you make me stop? I would've kept going." Maura ponders

"Because it felt really good." I say shyly.

"Jane, that's the point." I laugh at her.

"Maura, babe, I didn't want our first time to be you rubbing me off while I'm still wearing my jeans." I inform her.

"Oh ok. So you um, you're ready to um have sex with me?" Maura Isles is nervous. So cute.

"Is someone nervous suddenly?" She nods at my question. "Don't be nervous, it's just be honey."

"It's your first time. What if I don't do well enough?"

"I don't have anything to compare it too." I remind her.

"That's true." She smiles scooting closer to me.

"I on the other hand have guys to compete with." I say to Maura but she quickly shakes her head.

"None of them compare to you." She tells me.

"And how do you already know that?" I ask.

"Because I've never loved anyone like I love you."

I question her. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She confirms.

"Come here, you." I pull her on top of me again. I instantly feel blood rushing to my lower extremity. We kiss deeply. I hold her close to me as I stand up and begin to walk her towards the bedroom. Once in the bedroom I shut the door with my foot and walk towards the bed. I gently set Maura down. She crawls towards the head of the bed. I follow her. She begins to unbutton my shirt but I grab her hands. "I'm nervous for you to see me naked." I get straight to the point.

"You don't need to be. I already think you're irresistible. But do you want me to take my clothes off first?" She asks.

"Yes. Let me help you with that." She giggles before I reach for her pants and lower them and her panties simultaneously. I can't resist and I push my clothed cock against her center. We both moan. I quickly pull off her top and bra. I briefly suck on her nipples before I feel her unbuttoning my shirt again. I let her proceed. Once she has it unbuttoned completely she pushes it off my shoulder leaving me in my bra. My custom bra to make it looks like I have breasts. "P-p-pants." She rubs her hands down my back.

"Ok honey, ok." She says. Maura is so sweet to me. She pulls my pants and underwear off simultaneously as I did with her. "mmmm" she moans at the sight of my erection. I lower myself so it's pressed against her. I feel her heavy breathing against my ear and I grow harder for her. Suddenly I feel the bra around me loosen. "It's ok, love. It's just me. I love you so much."

"I love you too" I say as I throw the bra away. I lay my body on top of Maura's. "God this feel so good."

She giggles at me. "This isn't even the best part." Our lips meet in a kiss. I feel her hand come between us and I quickly lift my hips. I feel her grip my erection. I pull away from the kiss with a gasp.

"i-I'm sorry if I don't last long." I apologize.

"It's ok if you don't, but I have a feeling you'll do just fine. Besides we have plenty of time to practice." She says before lining my penis up with her entrance. "Push inside slowly." I nod at her. Slowly pushing into her, I feel her consume me. I collapse on top of her and hide my face in her neck. "It's ok, give it a minute." She rubs my back. I can't believe I didn't cum from that.

"Okay, I'm good now. I think." She smiles at me before kissing me sweetly.

"Okay, now pull your hips back but don't pull out all the way and push back in slowly until you start to find a rhythm. You'll know when to go faster." I nod at her. "And relax honey, I'm just trying to help. You're not getting tested." I let a deep breath. She pulls me close to her and whispers in my ear. "Enjoy baby." With that I pull my hips back and slowly push in. I look down to watch my penis go in and out of her wet pussy. It is the most erotic sight I have ever seen. "mmmmm, Jane." Maura moans and I feel her clench around me.

"Does that feel good for you?" I ask her.

"Of course it does. You've got good rhythm sweetheart. Push a little harder." I thrust into her harder but keeping the same pace. "Yeah that's it, go all the way in." With every thrust there is a slap where our bodies meet. I get another tingly feel in my penis. Shit I can't last long.

"M-M-Maura." I mumble into her neck.

"Give me your hand." She husks. I put my hand in hers and she moves it to her pussy. I feel her clit. She begins to move my hand in circles. "Yes that's it. Push down a bit more." I put more pressure on her clit. "Oh god Jane yes." I thrust into her a couple more times. "Jane you can cum. I'm going to cum. Cum inside me please." I thrust once-twice-three times before I feel her squeeze around me. "YES!"

"Ugh!" I groan as I cum inside her. I move in and out of her slowly releasing everything I have into her. My body shakes. It felt so good. I begin to cry into Maura's neck. She simply rubs her hands up and down my back.

"I know baby, I know. Let it all out. I've got you now." She whispers comforting words into my ear and kisses my neck. "I've got you and I'm never leaving you." She says and I know I've found where I'm meant to be for the rest of my life.


	5. Chapter 5

I just want to take this time to inform everyone that my original plan when thinking of a new story to write was to have Jane as a man. The transgender storyline sort of fell into my lap. I hope my storyline does not offend anyone. I don't want to surprise anyone in the fact that Jane will be staying a man. On a GREAT note, you can all look forward to a Happy Rizzles ending including, family times, a wedding, honey moon, rizzles pregnancy, and baby times. Stay tuned!

* * *

It Just Doesn't Feel Right CH. 5

"Nugh." I groan as I feel my body coming out of unconsciousness. I snuggle into the surface beneath me. Soft skin. It can only be my Maura. The love of my life. I push my body slightly away. So I can look down at her. She is so beautiful when she sleeps. It seems we didn't move after making love. Well the only thing that did move was my penis, which is no longer inside her. Speaking of my penis. I lift my hips as I feel my hard penis. God damn morning wood.

"mmmm, leave it." Maura moans from underneath me. Her eyes are still closed when I look down at her. My hips are still hovering above hers. She stretches before latching her legs around my waist and forcing me completely on top of her.

"Maura." She kisses my neck.

"Good morning sexy." My brain is no where to be found.

"I umm." I huff. Feeling my hard on pressed against her surprisingly wet pussy isn't helping it go away.

"You can go inside." Maura whispers in my ear. Immediately move my hips so I line up with her entrance an push into her. "Oh yeah." She moans.

"Babe, you feel amazing." I inform of her.

"Do i?" she questions devilishly. I feel her pussy squeeze me inside her. I fall forward on top of her.

"Maur you can't do that." I shakily whisper into her ear.

"But why, Jane? It seems to me you like it." She says before she starts purposely pulsing around me.

"Oh god. Oh man. I can't-it's so-you're so-" And with that I cum inside her. "Uuuuuuugh." I feel Maura rubbing my back. She kisses the side of my face. "I-I'm sorry." I tell her before pulling out of her and rolling over onto my back next to her. She quickly rolls onto her side and rubs my stomach.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." She tries to appease me.

"But that was really fast." She looks at me sympathetically. "And embarrassing." She pulls me in for a kiss.

"Don't be embarrassed, honey. I love that I have that effect on you." We rub noses.

"You didn't even get to-ya know-" she laughs at my words.

"Oh believe me, you will be making it up to me. For the rest of our lives." She says in her sweet yet bossy tone.

"Oh will I?" I ask her.

"Yes you most certainly will." I roll over and bring our bodies flush against each other.

"Mmmm." I moan into our passionate kiss. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asks while brushing my hair behind my ear.

"For everything. For loving me for who I am."

She pulls my head to hers and whispers, "I could say the same to you." We lay holding each other for the next hour or so, simply basking in our love and comfort with each other.

"I want to be a man." I think to myself.

"What did you say?" Maura says as she pulls back from me. Oops, I guess I didn't say that in my head.

"I want to be a man." I say more firmly this time.

"Jane, you don't need to make a decision so quickly. Take your time thinking it over. It's a big deal." She informs me. It's sweet that she is willing to give me time to think over something so important. However it is unnecessary.

"I don't need to take more time to think about it. I know what I want." I tell her.

"Explain, please." I smile at her.

"I'm so comfortable right now with you." I say while she rubs my chest which is easily the part of my body I am most self-conscious about. "Like that, rubbing my chest. Anyone seeing that area makes me so vulnerable but it doesn't bother me to expose myself to you completely." I say before whipping the covers off of me completely. "See, take a look. Enjoy!" And she does look. She bites her lip as her eyes drift down my body. "Hey hey, not too much. We're having an important conversation." We laugh together.

"I'm glad you're comfortable with me." Maura says to me.

"And it's more than just that. You know I was comfortable with you when you only thought of me as a woman but now that you know everything that I am and I'm so comfortable just being me, I don't want to go back to pretending to be anything. I just want to be me with you." I rush out passionately.

"Ok. You want to be a man again? My boyfriend? James Charles Rizzoli?" She asks me firmly.

"Yes Maura. I want to be me again." I state.

"Baby, you've always been you." She articulates before pulling me in for a kiss.


End file.
